I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
FUCK WHALES
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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