Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
