I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
