Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
