GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
