The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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