Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
