Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
