if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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