I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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