Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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