There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
