she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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