There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
