If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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