please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
