Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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