I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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