if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
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