My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I am midnight drunk by noon
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
