She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
