Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
