Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
