dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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