I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize