She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
