so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
