What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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