You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
