i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
