A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
