He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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