I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
