I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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