The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
