his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
