Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
