Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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