dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
