Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize