Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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