Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
