I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
