i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
