When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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