i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
