just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
