Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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