did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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