ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
