he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
