Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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