I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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