What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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