I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
