saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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