Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
