Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
