Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude. I can hear the air.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
