omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
