I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
