I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
