the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
