I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
