It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like eating out sand paper
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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