sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
